The age old story of the strong black woman



A pattern that seems to regenerate from generation to generation is the idea of the strong black woman.

She lies in pain. She wakes in pain. She is the definition of pain.

Growing up the absence of a father allowed me to be surrounded by the definition of what it truly meant to be a strong black woman. To keep going, to keep moving and to ignore all forms of softness because the world and circumstances do not allow one to be soft.

I was taught that there is no time to cry. There is no time to process emotions because there is no world that will accept you in your most vulnerable state.

And so I went on my with my life with the persona that the higher the walls. The more I would be protected and no one would be able to seep into the deepest parts of my heart to see the pain and hurt and fear that came with what it meant to be strong black woman.

I wouldnt say I am the definition of the strong black woman because these days anything absolutely anything could make me cry. And I dont believe that I have been through half the crap that black women have been put through. But I have been surrounded and raised by women who felt the need that the only social path towards becoming a black woman is through pain.

The pain of staying in abusive relationships.

The pain of putting yourself into spaces that are under appreciating.

The pain of allowing yourself to believe that no other love exists except through pain.

And so I sit here with a heavy and torn heart. A part of me praises the black women for being strong despite what the world continues to dish out.

Then the other part of me yearns to understand what form of toxicity have we as the black community allowed to seep into the definition of womanhood.


For what?

To prove that pain is the only path to womanhood.

Growing up I admired the strong black woman but my journey of womanhood has now forced me to realise that the strong black woman is a facade of absolute trauma and we should all be ashamed of putting this standard onto our african queens.

Stay blessed.

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