I recall a time in the bible when Jesus sweated blood in the garden of Gethsemane Quite aware of what was coming. Jesus really asked God to,
“Father if you are willing, remove this cup from me”
And sometimes transition or change can feel just as scary. Life in its nature is forever changing and I would like to believe the more we entertain that thought. The better we will be when things either don’t go our way or we are expected to adjust and change to a new role that we have been handed over.
I for one have been feeling fearful at whether I will have the ability to handle this new change in my life. I for one am fearful that I may not be able to show up to the moment.
And to be honest with you…
This fear can sink in even when it’s things you’ve prayed for. Does
“God can I handle this blessing?”
“God, Can I handle this change?”
Sound familiar to you?
If those thoughts do then…
It’s the same thoughts that probably went through Christs mind in the garden too.
What isn’t okay about those thoughts is allowing then to make you feel stuck and not dance with the transition that’s about to take place.
You are on the brink of discovering yourself in a whole new light.
Own the moment.
Make the move.
Even if fear knocks at the door begging for you to listen to the thoughts of choosing to stay paralysed in it.
I don’t know what it is but the need to speak out can be rather difficult for me.
It could be the imposter syndrome that occasionally rears it’s ugly head reminding me to beg for space in the workplace or friendships or any human interaction I make.
The need to speak up gets silenced by the voice that scares you into believing that the more you speak out. The more you would be chased out of rooms or relationships that you feel you don’t deserve.
The more you suppress your emotions and desires and longings. You suppress an opportunity to show people how to treat you. To finally find yourself in a table with a room filled with those who want to take care of your desires and longings.
One tends to realise that the failure to speak out can also result in resentment towards those who you hope will love you. It results in this unspoken clause that “I will work hard to be loved by you” and go as deep as not ruffling any feathers. It goes as deep as wearing shoes that are two sizes too small for you. It goes as far as withholding yourself.
This blog post serves as a love letter to voice out how you feel. If you were meant to sit at a table. It is your hard work, your diligence and your mind that has brought you to that table.
You are worthy and deserving of the seat on the table and it is okay to express that you aren’t happy with the quality of the meal you are being served. It is okay to say,