People pleasing

The role of a woman at times puts her in spaces where she may feel the need to fit in.

From corporate to every day life. The need to constantly make people happy in the hopes to be loved and approved can sometimes take a turn for the worst.

I had the joy of taking an enneagram test which is essentially a personality test. It assists with becoming more self aware and realising that some parts of yourself could be self sabotaging.

My name is Khethiwe Sibuyi and I am a people pleaser. It’s a difficult pill to swallow because I always always always put other peoples needs first. Sometimes to my very own detriment.

People pleasing is known as people who try and avoid conflict at all costs. Often at their own expense and are fairly empathetic. People pleasers frequently put other peoples needs first which could be exploited quite frequently.

Don’t get me wrong. I love helping others out but when my intentions towards it can be manipulative. I have to stop and asking myself. Am I helping others to make them happy or am I helping others in the hopes that they will help me out?

People pleasing can be emotionally taxing. This is because you are constantly pleasing other people in the hopes of fitting in. People pleasing is literally like walking on eggshells because of the fear of the disapproval of others.

People pleasing can land you in spaces with people who can use you and abuse you. This is because the constant desire of putting peoples needs first can be recognised by others and the same energy you put in may not be reciprocated.

People pleasing allows you to be dishonest about your emotions towards people that you care about. All in the name of “I don’t wanna ruffle any feathers”.

So… How do we get through this?

Firstly… Learn to set boundaries. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to say I don’t feel like it or that doesn’t match the vision for my life.

Secondly… Learn to be honest about how you feel. This is daunting for me and I am still learning how I can do it in a manner that is graceful.

Thirdly… Learn to relax. It’s okay at times to be in the moment and not put constant pressure on yourself to meet other peoples needs.

I hope this helps.

Stay blessed.

Khethi

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